Hello, my name is Katy and I suffer from a terrible case of shyness. I also happen to have a resting Bitch face. The two combined, well they are a bit of a disaster really.
People that know me well will probably find that statement hilarious, because once I get over that initial hurdle of breaking the ice you can’t shut me up. I’m a terrible chatterbox, to the point it has often got me in trouble.
My best friend, confessed to me drunkenly several years ago that when we first met at college she thought I was up my own backside. Apparently I had that look about me. This ‘Resting Bitch Face’, coupled with the fact I struggled to talk to anyone other than another friend I knew from senior school already and had started the course with, meant that this was the vibe I was giving off. In reality I was desperate to make new friends but my shyness was creating a barrier.
It was only having to do joint course work that helped to break the proverbial ice.
This was the case also when I started my last job. I put my head down and got on with my job well but didn’t really talk to any of my colleagues. It took a long time for me to relax and be comfortable talking to them. Once again several years down the line it was confessed to me that on first meeting some of my colleagues they thought I was ‘stuck up’.
It’s breaking the ice that is the problem. Approaching someone and making that first contact terrifies me. I can’t think of anything to say, and I’m scared of being blanked or thought of as a loon.
At the school gates I stand alone waiting for my Son to come out of class. I see all the other mums laughing and chatting and wish I could be part of their little groups.
It ridiculous I know, but now my Son is in year 4 it’s just awkward. The initial opportunity for making mum friends has passed. Instead I find myself head down avoiding looking like a complete loner by pretending I’m busy doing some thing on my phone. Lame!!
A while ago I attended a social event with my Husband that we only knew one or two people. On this occasion I actually got a bit upset. People always seem to be drawn to my Husband, and he seems to find it easy to meet new people. This was the case then.
Me on the other hand I just felt invisible, it wasn’t so bad with him by my side as he will try to draw me in to the conversation. He can’t be there all the time though, i.e he’s going to need the boys room at some point. I will find myself stood off to stage side feeling like a moron.
On this occasion I actually brought this up with him, questioning what was wrong with me. Why don’t people want to talk to me?
“Well I don’t mean to sound mean but you do have a bit of a resting bitch face, and your shyness doesn’t help you”
Oh crap!! So yes, around new people I’m socially inadequate.
To make the situation even more laughable when it comes to social situations I have a habit then of drinking one too many to calm my nerves. The effect of this? Verbal diarrhoea!! I must annoy the hell out of people, I’m drunk though so don’t usally notice. Oh and I happen to love everyone I meet and get embarrassingly mushy. Sorry if you’ve been on the receiving end of this!!
Starting this blog is something that I’m hoping will help break this battle with my shyness. It’s slow going though, lets just say I’m taking baby steps.
Where possible I join in with Twitter chats, it’s easy to come up with something funny and witty to say when you can edit it first.
I have been to a few events where there are other bloggers I will have chatted to in blogger chats or I know have read and commented on my blog and vise versa.
In real life though making that step to say hello at an event for the first time is terrifying. I’ve chickened out on a few occasions and probably seem like I’m blanking them. I’m not I’m just been a moron and letting my shyness get the better of me.
That ‘resting bitch face’ doesn’t help either as it doesn’t exactly invite people in. I’m nice I promise!