Enjoying Living in the Moment 

So I’ve been a bit MIA. The last time I managed to publish anything blog related was actually the 4th June. WTF!! 

I could come out with a whole list of half baked excuses but to be honest with you I have just been focused on living more in the moment and ultimately having fun. 

I work damn hard at work, since my promotion it has become borderline all consuming. In a good way though, I’m not complaining, I love everything about my job. I finally feel like I know who I am, and what I want to be doing with my life. Time off though is more precious than ever. Hence my blog has taken a bit of a back seat. 

In an effort to try and pick up on the blog again I thought I would share a bit of what I’ve been up to over the past month. It really has been busy, but fortunately really fun. 

Hen Party no 1 

My sister in law is getting married in August. We had the first of the Hen parties at Bar Salsa in Charring Cross. 

Getting in the salsa spirit we all dressed up in red outfits, apart from the bide who was in white of course! We had a salsa class, ate some really tasty South American food and drank too many cocktails. 

Bar Salsa does some great party packages, I highly recommend it as a venue for when you want a great all inclusive experience. 


Prom Time! 

My baby girl is no longer such a baby. I still can’t get my head around the fact she has left school and had her Prom. 

I know I’m biased because I’m her mother but my daughter truly looked beautiful. 

The dress was from Lipsy VIP. It fit her beautifully other than the fact we did have to have the length taken up. (She is so tiny!)



I did her hair and makeup for her. I’m actually really proud of this creation. A hairdresser I am not! 

Hen Party No 2

It was time for round two of my Sister in Laws Hen Party. This time we headed to Cambridge for a spa stay and a go on the punts. 

We stayed at the Hallmark Hotel. As hotels go it was comfortable and clean. I can’t say I was that sold on the food. Well that’s a lie, it was my pudding that had let it down. Who puts red cress on an Icecream sundae? 

The Thalgo facial I had though was without a doubt the best facial I have experienced. I would visit again just for that! Maybe choose a different dessert? 

Punting on the river Cam was great fun. I wish we had more time to explore Cambridge as the College Buildings are amazing. Everywhere you turn there is another little passage that needs discovering. 



Pop Choirs ‘Magnificent’ at Electric Brixton 

My big sister is part of Pop Choir. I’m not really sure where to begin explaining what this is. If you enjoy singing, just for the sheer joy of it then Pop Choir could be for you. I’ve left a link to the website so you can check it out of your interested. 

Last week we went to watch Pop Choirs ‘Magnificent’ evening. It was such a fun evening and truly inspiring to see such a large group of people come together and ‘sing their hearts out’ to raise funds for some really great charities. 


I’d love to join myself, sadly there isn’t a group in my local area yet. 

Beer Festivals, Hawaiian themed birthday bashes and more!

So all this has been dotted amongst cinema trips, the Cammra Beer Festival, Christenings and not forgetting my Cousin 30th birthday. That one got a bit messy…

I don’t actually have any pictures to share of these as true to living in the moment I forgot to take any. Whoops! 

A Thought for Today

I’d be lying if I said this spate of terrorist attacks didn’t scare me. Then I get angry! Why should we be cowed by these nutters? I’m scared of spiders and that doesn’t stop me getting something out of my shed! 

Carry on enjoy the amazing city that is London. After all life is too short! 

We must honour the victims by not letting fear win. 

We must be thankful to those that risk their lives to protect us. 

I will still go on my planned evening out London in a couple of weeks time. If something happens then it’s my time, I will have no regrets. 

Meanwhile I’m sharing some of my favourite photos from enjoyable visits to London. 

Covent Garden

London Zoo
Tower of London

Keep safe people and show kindness to your neighbour. Manchester proved to us recently that there was is still much kindness in this world. 

Coping with grief | Its not getting any easier!

I have to tell you something. Those people that tell you grief gets easier with time…their liars! 

Yes that sounds like a very negative statement, but it’s the truth. It’s approximately three and half months since my mum passed away and if anything the sharp sense of pain that often creeps up on me is more intense than ever. I miss my mum like crazy. I have this profound sense that there is a great big gaping hole in my life that can’t be filled. 

Throwing myself into work helps, it means I don’t have time to think about my mum. It’s days like today though, my day off, that I struggle with. My husband is at work and the kids are at school. If I have nothing scheduled I feel lonely. If mum was here I would be popping in for a cup of tea and a catch up. We might have been popping out to Aldi’s and get sidetracked. We may have end up at Outfit buying shoes. Yes mum was responsible for many of my impulse shoe purchases. 

Maybe the sense of loss feels so great because Mum played such a huge role in my life. She literally was the foundation of our family. We are now in a period of muddling through trying to create a new normal. Whatever that is?

When both my grandfathers passed I felt sadness but I never felt that a huge void had just shafted its way through my life. At the moment it feels like a crack that keeps widening. 

One of the hardest things I’m coming to terms with is the fact that Mum was cremated. As far as I’m concerned Some stranger has literally burnt away the physical evidence that my Mum ever existed. It’s a weird feeling. Maybe when we have buried her Ashes and have somewhere to visit I might feel less like this? Perhaps that will be a place where I can go and feel close to her again? 

Grief is unpredictable. Tomorrow is another day and I might feel completely different. I’m not in a consistent state of doom and gloom. I have days when I feel genuinely happy and content with my lot, I can laugh freely without feeling guilty that I shouldn’t be. I can see a picture of mum and smile at the memories it brings up. 

It’s those dark periods of grief that are hardest they  creep up on you and catch you by surprise when you least expect it. I not convinced that it does get easier with time. Maybe less frequent but certainly no less painful. 

My Current thoughts on Minimalism | I watched ‘that’ Netflix Documentary 

Regular readers of this blog will know that I have been trying to downsize and de clutter my life. One of my first areas to tackle was my bulging wardrobe using the Project333 method. You can read more about that in this post here

Things have certainly improved in that department, though I did fall off the wagon a bit recently. I am a self confessed shopaholic so you can imagine how much of a challenge changing this behavioural pattern has been. 

After deciding that I needed some inspiration I decided to watch the Netflix documentary Minimalism: A Documentary About The Important Things. You can find more information on it here. Whilst I wouldn’t say that this has been life changing or I’ve had an epiphany, I do feel I took some important lessons from it. 

The documentary touched on America’s consumer led throw away culture and why this has been the norm. The ability to participate in conspicuous consumption is seen as part of fulfilling that American dream. In laymans terms this means that we have been conditioned to believe that what we consume in terms of material possessions portrays how successful and happy in life we are. Obviously I’m not an American or living in America but this rings true of most progressive countries. 

This is a notion that I completely agree with. As a society we have indeed become accustomed to that misguided need to seek  fulfilment from material things. The problem is that sense of fulfilment is often short lived before we are dissatisfied and looking for the next ‘must have’ item. That buzz you get from buying something new and sharing it on Instagram is what feeds the habit. 

Retailers convince us that if we are having a bad day or simply feeling a bit down that some retail therapy is the answer to our problems. It’s not though! A new pair of shoes won’t change the fact that your job sucks or your boyfriend cheated on you. 

I feel I have made a conscious decision to change my ways. This isn’t going to happen overnight though. I’m going to use a huge cliche now. I’m on a bit of a journey of discovery and gradually working out what things are important to me. 

Since downsizing my wardrobe, back in November I have been a lot happier. Even though I have less clothes I never say to myself I have nothing to wear. Why? Well for a start every damn item in that wardrobe I love. If something doesn’t fit or make me feel special I’m not going to hold onto it. 

Now I know that plays into the whole throw away fashion problem but hear me out. I am learning to be mindful about what I consume. I ask myself questions such as ‘Do I actually need this?’. 

I would be lying if I said I had completely stuck to the project 333 method of managing my wardrobe. Just working in fashion retail presents temptation on a daily basis. As part of my job I am required to act as a brand ambassador and dress in the latest collections that are on sale at work. For this reason my work wardrobe is constantly changing to keep up to date. 

It is much easier for me to control the basics. Recently I bought two pairs of jeans, one black and one blue. That could seem excessive but I had lost weight and the two pairs of jeans I already owned kept falling down. Instead of holding on to those jeans that didn’t fit I took them along to my local charity shop. In the past I probably would have held on to them ‘just in case’. For me being able to let go of material possessions that no longer serve a purpose to me is a big step forward. 

I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as a minimalist. I enjoy shopping and collecting pretty things. One thing I picked up from the documentary is that It’s okay to have a collection if you feel it genuinely adds value to your life. That is the key thought process I have in mind now when deciding whether to give space in my life to a particular material item. 

As an example I have what most people would consider a large amount of makeup and beauty products. I see trying out new products and reviewing them on my blog as a rewarding hobby. 

I am making small changes in this area though. If I don’t like a product or it doesn’t work for me then realistically I’m not going to reach for it. What is the point of hoarding something if I don’t use it. It is just going to sit there untouched and getting closer and closer to its expiration date, losing any value it had. Somebody else though might love what doesn’t work for me so these are now going to be passed on.

I used to have 3 separate beauty subscription services delivered each month. Why? Well I had justified it by saying that this was a more cost effective way of trying out new products. I only have one body though so this was excessive. I couldn’t possibly use everything in one month. 

At present I have just one subscription service. I tried going cold turkey but found I really did actually miss receiving my monthly beauty package. That is okay though I haven’t failed and one is a vast improvement on three. 

If you have access to Netflix it is definitely worth checking the documentary on minimalist living out. I’m very aware that this type of lifestyle isn’t for everyone but it certainly helps you to see through the clutter and work out what is important in your life. 

Let me know your thoughts on this.

Life lately – it’s been a while!

It’s been a little while since I’ve sat down to write a blog post. There have been a couple of big reasons for this. 

Let’s get the negative one out of the way first…I’ve been lacking in inspiration. Yup I’ve been having a few head scratching moments and come up blank. 

My other excuses are far more positive and mainly due to a lack of time. Back in February I gained a promotion at work. This has meant switching from a part time role to full time. I’m still learning how to juggle without dropping too many balls. Let’s just say family, work then sleep have taken priority in that order. Blogging has taken a very firm back seat. 

I’m not complaining though I promise. I love my job and feel I’ve finally found a company to work for that fits who I am. I hope to grow with them and work towards gaining another promotion when the next opportunity arises. At the moment I’m like a sponge trying to soak up all the new skills and knowledge I can get. That’s probably why my brain has switched off from blog post inspiration. 

I’ve also found having this to focus on hugely beneficial when it has come to dealing with my feelings surrounding my mums death. It seems strange to me that she has been gone for over two months now, that it’s been a whole month since her funeral. The hardest thing to come to term with is that Death is so final and life will carry on regardless. All these great things are happening in my life and Yet I can’t tell my Mum. Mmmm….

Mother’s Day was an interesting experience. I was very anti the whole occasion and kept yelling at every promotional email, TV advert or instore display to F-Off! How inconsiderate of them? Did they not know I had just lost my mum and that it was like a slap in the face? 

Well off course not…don’t be a prat Katy! Grief  does that to you sometimes though. 

Wow that got a bit deeper than I intended! 

Back to the positives…

The kids have just broken up from school for the spring holidays. I have a weeks annual leave coming up so that means time to do some fun stuff. We have a trip planned to London Zoo and I hope to finally see Beauty and the Beast. (Still pissed off at Primark that I didn’t get my chip mug #chipgate).

I did buy some pretty bedding from Primark though, mainly because I haven’t had time to wash my old sheets. Lazy I know! I told you I’m still getting used to working full time. 


After not seeing the Hubby for about three days post Westminster attack (the pitfalls of being married to a police officer) we managed to cram in a lunch date. Byron burger is fast becoming one of my guilty pleasures. Their new menu is so so good. 

I had the limited edition Korean inspired Kimicheese burger  which involves Korean BBQ glaze, bacon, Freddar cheese, crispy onions, kimchi cucumbers, Gochuchang sauce and Ssamjang mayonnaise. 


I didn’t stop there either I also had the Gangnam fries which come with Freddar cheese sauce, jalapeños and Gochuchang sauce. 

Book wise I’ve just finished reading Bridget Jones Baby. If ever I feel I haven’t got my shit together I reach for a bit of Bridget she makes a mess of things far more than I do!

I’m currently reading Reap the Harvest by Margaret Dickinson. This falls into the saga genre and is that last in a trilogy that spans three generations of women who lives centre around a coastal farm in Lincolnshire. This book is set in the 50’s, previous books weee set in the 20’s and 30/40’s. 

So that’s a little bit of what I’ve been up to recently. I hope to be a little bit more productive throughout April.

35 things I’ve learnt in 35 years 

So it was my birthday very recently. I celebrated my 35th, or as my charming husband renamed it my halfway to turning 70. It’s a good job I have a sense of humour!

As we grow older apparently we are supposed to get a bit wiser so I thought it would be fun to try to come up with a list of  35 things I’ve learned in my lifetime. 

Now be warned, some of that list is a bit weird, some humorous and some of it gets a bit deep. So here goes…..

1. Disney doesn’t loose its appeal just because you’re an adult. Did someone say Beauty and the Beast? 

2. It still isn’t a good idea to drink a bottle of wine on a school night. 

3. Quality really is better than quantity. On a night out I’d rather have 1 decent glass of wine than wince through a cheap shity bottle just to get drunk. 

4. Buying cheap tights is a false economy. Without fail they ladder on the first wear.

5. Running into Primark for that cheap pair of tights usually results in an unplanned shopping spree. 

6. My P.E teacher was right when she said ‘You would enjoy sports far more if you actually joined in’. Going long on the rounders pitch was perhaps a wasted opportunity. 

7.  No matter how old you get there are times when you still need a hug from your mum. 

8. It’s easy to take it for granted that your parents are always going to be around. Don’t, treasure them whilst you can. 

9. Watching Friends as a grown up is much more entertaining. There were so many jokes that went over my innocent teenage head. 

10. Comfort takes priority over being ‘on trend’. If I can’t eat a decent meal in it I’m not wearing it! 

11. I’m never going to master the art of the perfect winged eyeliner. Some of us just don’t have the skills. 

12.  Having good eyebrows can take years off how old you look. 

13. You no longer dread being asked for ID once you hit thirty. In fact on the rare occasion it happens it actually makes your day. 

14. When life gets tough it helps to have a sense of humour. 

15. I’m never going to be able to afford a Channel handbag. There’s my justification for spending £25 on a Channel eyeshadow then. 

16. You feel you’ve made it in life when you can actually afford to save for your pension. 

17. I never should have chucked those embroidered Topshop jeans that I had aged 17. Yup they would have been bang on trend right now! 

18. I should have read the Harry Potter books years ago, they really are rather good.

19. Just because you’re an adult it doesn’t mean you can escape the monthly hormonal spots. 

20. French skin care brands are the best. 

21. Grey hairs are inevitable,  we all get them eventually. 

22. Kids will always point out your flaws, such as those grey hairs or hormonal breakouts. Little buggers! 

23.Working mums guilt is a thing.

24.  If you find a job you love ‘that Monday morning feeling’ doesn’t exist. 

25. The little things in life, such as a full coffee shop loyalty card, can make the day so much better.

26. The Greggsnuts really is the best! It’s the closest I’m ever going to get to a Cronut. 

27.  You really shouldn’t fret about being single. That special someone will come along when you aren’t looking for it. 

28. Your popularity status at school will have no reflection on how successful you are as an adult.

29.  Its natural to grow apart from friends as your lives go in different directions. 

30. You might fight with your sisters growing up but as an adult they can become your closest friends.

31. Afternoon naps make me far more productive of an evening. Shame I’m working most days! 

32. My obsession with Zombie films has prepared me well for any apocalyptic situation. Don’t forget to double tap! 

33. Turns out I can only park by reversing into the parking bay and not face first.  Why??

34. It really is impossible to keep everyone in life happy, so don’t bother trying as you’ll just get your knickers in a twist. 

35. Occasionally it’s okay to put yourself first, be kind to yourself as you deserve it. 

Thanks for stopping by schoolrunbeauty.com, 

Why this man will always be my Valentine! 

Three years ago my world had hit rock bottom. I was still struggling to deal with the prolonged effects of untreated post natal depression. My doctor at the time had been a bit shit and brushed it all under the carpet. Apparently all I needed to do was take a holiday. Wrong! 

Several years on I still hadn’t been able to learn to deal with the effect this was having on my long term mental health. As a family we struggled to do normal things like enjoy a day out because I would have a major freak out at something. Usually my husband Chris bore the brunt of this. To be quite frank I was miserable and I know he was to.

Things came to a head over something very trivial. I can remember abandoning him and the children at Liverpool Street station and basically doing a runner. In that moment my life felt like it was so bad, I couldn’t deal with it and had to get away from everything. 

I actually told Chris that I hated him and that he was the one making me miserable. 

I did go home that night and things settled into an uneasy truce. I knew I needed help and eventually did go back and see another doctor. 

I was put on anti-depressants aswell as having other tests because my physical health was not good either. I had stopped eating so was just 7 1/2 stone. This was severely underweight for my height of 5″ 7. I had lost so much muscle mass that I couldn’t support my frame properly and had put my pelvis and back out. Things were so bad I needed crutches to walk. 

I was also deficient in Vitamin B12. Other sufferers will know how much that fucks with your head! I know we are not supposed to say ‘crazy’ but I was a bit of a crazy Bitch. I’m the first to admit that now. 

Having had all my problems diagnosed and the appropriate treatment was being received things did start to improve. 

My husband was amazingly supportive throughout this time. As the mental fog was clearing I was able to see that my problems weren’t his fault and that the hate I had been throwing around was not how I felt about him. 

Unfortunately the damage had already been done to our relationship. My husband and I had grown distant and he moved out of the family home. I was devastated by this. What do they say? You don’t know what you have lost till its gone! 

It took some soul searching but Chris knew he wasn’t happy with the situation either. 

After spending sometime apart he moved back home. Together we went to a series of counselling sessions and talked through our problems. During that time I think I fell in love him all over again. It’s amazing what you learn to understand about a person when you actually stop to listen to them. 

Today I would say my marriage is stronger than it ever has been. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel loved and looked after. This isn’t because everyday is full of wild romantic gestures, nope those are usually reserved for birthdays and Valentine’s Day. 

It is often the simplest of gestures such as making sure I’ve taken my medication, bringing me home a bar of chocolate when I’m hormonal, letting me have an afternoon nap because he knows my B12 Injection is due and I’m knackered. Helping me cut up the veg for dinner, holding my hair back when I’ve been sick from drinking too much wine at his xmas party and then getting up for the school run when I’m hanging the next morning. I could go on endlessly. 

I love how good of a Dad he is, and the terrible corny ‘Dad’ jokes he tells, how we often are thinking exactly the same thing, and talk absolute crap via text message. Most off all love how he didn’t give up on me. 

So yes this is a terribly mushy post but now you know why this man will always me my Valentine. 


What is normal when you are grieving? 

I sit here writing this blog post not because I’m looking for sympathy but as a means of catharsis for myself. 

Last week my mum passed away very peacefully after an incredibly brave fight with cancer. Faced with a terminal diagnosis in October 2015 she was a true inspiration. Not only did she have a positive attitude but she demonstrated a sheer determination to continue living her life to the full. Not only that she was always thinking about other people’s needs right to the end. This was evident by all the kind words and memories people have shared about mum. 

As a family we are beginning the process of coming to terms with mum not being around any more. Her decline in physical condition when it came was very quick, and to be honest with you, I did actually expect to have mum around for just a little bit longer. She was beginning to suffer though so it would be very selfish of me to want to change things. 

Watching mum in those last few weeks was incredibly hard. Mum had previously said she didn’t want to go into hospital but unfortunately in her last few days this was necessary. In hindsight this was the right decision for mum as we were struggling to manage her symptoms at home. She was actually happy to be there in the end as she was much more comfortable and less anxious about what was happening to her. 

It sounds a huge cliche but mum really did pass away comfortably and at peace, which was all we wanted for her.

We did actually have some laughs throughout all this. A classic ‘Mum’ moment was her deciding she wasn’t going to get the chance to use the gift vouchers she had received for Christmas. Her answer to this conundrum was to host a raffle from her hospital bed. 

She also insisted in posting selfies with all her visitors to her Facebook page. 


I have one very funny image in my head of my mum sat with her glasses on the end of her nose checking her medical charts for mistakes (mum was a nurse herself). 

Though incredibly sad to no longer have my mum around I have to confess to feeling a huge sense of relief that she is no longer suffering. I’m not sure how long I could cope with seeing her like she was. Does that sound selfish? Probably, but when you love someone you don’t want to see them in pain or stressed and anxious from the efforts of trying to breathe. 

At the moment my Mum’s death doesn’t actually quite feel real. Obviously I know that it is, I was with her when she died, it just somehow feels like she has gone on holiday and will be back in another week. Perhaps this is something that will become easier to accept given some time? 

It bothers me that I have hardly cried since mums death. Surly that is not normal? Though over the passed few months as things became harder on everyone I had some major tearful outbursts. Perhaps I had already begun the grieving process? Maybe I’ll be a mess at her funeral? 

Bizarrely I broke out head to toe In hives during my mums last few days. It was so bad I ended up with my very own trip round to A&E for some treatment via an IV. Everyone else cries, I apparently get psychosomatic hives! The mind and body really are weird. 

I have taken the previous week off work, but to be honest with you, I’m not really sure what to do with myself. If I’m not busy I’m thinking about mum constantly, you know those cliche thoughts. 

‘I’m never going to hear her voice again’ 

I am resisting the urge to call her voicemail as I know that’s just a form of self torture. 

Since moving out of home I would always say I was going round to mums house. The first time I talked about doing just that I suddenly developed a stutter and tripped over my words. It dawned on me what I had just said and she wouldn’t be there anymore. 

One thing I have done that is apparently normal is sleep. Not just a little bit but a lot! 

I can’t keep doing that though. With Mum’s funeral still an entire month away I am going back to work today. I think it is best to keep myself busy otherwise I feel like I am wallowing in self pity which really isn’t healthy. Let’s just hope I don’t have any shitty customers or it may just set off the waterworks. 

I’m not quite sure how to end this post? My usual happy ‘by for now’ seems a bit wrong. 

Hmmm!

I’m going to leave you with a treasured picture of my mum, me and my two sisters. I love this picture as we all look so happy. We are all slightly different but have almost identical smiles. 

The 2017 bucket list

I’m not making any New Years resolutions this year. Why? Well I always break them, so I don’t actually see the point. Instead I’ve created myself a bucket list of 17 things I want to do in 2017. 

I’m not saying I’m going to complete every last one of the items on this list but I’m going to give it a damn good go. 

Some of the items on my list are very simple, others will take a bit of planning. It includes day trips to places that I have been saying I have wanted to visit for goodness knows how long, but never seem to have got around to.

There are some craft activities that I have had the materials at home to do for a crazy long time but still haven’t got round to tackling . 

If I just manage to get half of this list completed this year then I’m in for a fun 2017.

Here goes; 

  1. Go and see the Musical Wicked.
  2. Run 5k.
  3. Learn to cable knit. 
  4. Catch a wave. 
  5. Visit London Zoo.
  6. Take the kids to see ‘the changing of the guards’ at Buckingham Palace. 
  7. Try mashed avocado on toast. How can I claim to be a blogger and never have tried this? 
  8. Make an Origami Crane mobile. 
  9. Visit Tiptree Jam Museum.
  10. Visit Brighton, in particular ‘The Lanes’.
  11. Go for afternoon tea at The Ritz.
  12. Finishing reading the Harry Potter series with my Son. 
  13. Make a Pavlova.
  14. Make a skirt. I have had the material for this for about two years now. 
  15. Paint the bedroom. It hasn’t been done since we moved In ten years ago. I’m desperate to get it done this year. 
  16. Eat fish & chips out of the paper, whislt sat on the seafront and watching the sun go down. 
  17. Last but not least…Visit my family in Ireland. Even if it’s just for 1 night. It’s been far too long! 

So that is everything on my bucket list for 2017. Realistically none of it is that unachievable. I just need to stop putting things off. What do they say? You only live once! 

Sometimes we all have a crisis of confidence 

We’ve all had one of those moments where everything seems impossible. When you find yourself sinking into your very own little pit of gloom questioning every decision in life you’ve made. That was me last week caught in my very own downward spiral of a confidence crisis.  I’d sat myself down to study yet nothing was sinking in. I couldn’t even find the vital resources I needed to complete my work.  

Stupidly I sat there for far longer than I care to admit frantically scrolling through  the pages of my module website. Nope still couldn’t find it! At a heightened level of overwhelming frustration I just wanted to cry. I had allowed myself to sink into my own little hole of self pity and was questioning what the hell I was doing? Who the hell was I to think that I was clever enough to get a degree? Girl you can’t even find a video on the OU website! 

I felt like I was 14 again. Memories crept in of me  sat in my English class listening to my horrible teacher telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough because my spelling test result wasn’t great. 

‘Your not like your sister are you’ she would tell me. 

She taught my elder sister and loved to compare me to her. My mum actually told her off at parents evening for it. Thanks mum! 

It’s moments like that that stick with you and rear their ugly head in moments of vulnerability. In that moment you believe it’s true and your confidence in your abilities hit zero. 

I will always compare my academic achievements to my big sister. She is an achiever and has always done well in whatever she puts her hand to. 

I end up feeling like I’ve failed because my results aren’t as high. Stupidly I actually achieve good grades so really I don’t have anything to worry about. 

In moments of self doubt that damn teacher still has me believing I exist in my sisters shadow, that I’m not as capable her. 

In the end I switched off the computer and went to bed. I wasn’t going to achieve anything whislt I was in that head space. I was tired and fell asleep straight away. 

Guess what, after a good nights sleep it didn’t seem as bad. I sat down and planned what I had to do for my next assignment, plotted study time in alongside everything else in my busy schedule and actually got some work done. Yup that assignment has been submitted, whilst juggling work and the family. See I can do this! 

I know I’m not going to fail my degree because I want it too much. I will put that hard work in to make sure that I pass. 

Yes I’m terrified about sitting exams again later this academic year. I haven’t sat one since I was 16. The difference now is I’ve chosen to do this. No one is making me do it. I’m doing it for me and don’t have anything to prove to anyone but myself. In fact I could still progress on my career path without the degree I just secretly enjoy the subject matter. 

So moral of the story? I can be a complete idiot at times. That’s not because I’m not capable, it’s because I listen to the negative thoughts in my brain too much.

Self confidence is a state of mind that can be achieved by shouting positive thoughts loudly over the negative. Stop listening to those negative thoughts. Failing that things always seem better after a good nights sleep.